Sunday, February 4, 2007

You're crazy, man. You're crazy. I like you, but you're crazy. Vol. 3 (2/4/07)

By Art Shimko

-- Well after a long absence we're back with some odd and interesting news from this past week...

-- MOONINITES WITH HELP OF STARVING ARTISTS ATTACK BOSTON & PHILLY "SCARING" (MORE LIKE PISSING OFF) CITY OFFICIALS: Boston artists Peter Berdovsky and Sean Stevens were arrested this week for putting up what were said to look like suspicious bomb-type devices planted throughout Boston. These devices, which can be seen here, were for a promotion for the Cartoon Network's Aqua Teen Hunger Force show and they look more like a Lite-Brite toy than what authorities in Boston and Philadelphia (where one of the flashing devices was found) described them as. The AP reports that reports that the prosecution may have a hard time proving that these two had any intent to terrorize the public and plus the devices honestly look like toys, and even if some old person tells you they don't know it's a cartoon character you can just laugh in their face because the whole thing is ridiculous.
In Philadelphia authorities found out from Turner Broadcasting that 56 of these things were planted throughout the city which created some lame "panic-mode" search. One turned up at a Foot Locker store on South Street, City managing director Pedro Ramos wasn't amused, "I'm hoping that some of these marketing companies find that balance between being hip and being reckless. And this case is about as reckless as you're going to see." The only thing reckless here was city officials and authorities making such a big fucking deal about this, and you know what? They act like they're prepared for another "9/11" after an event like this but I bet either city still wouldn't be ready for a catastrophe because it's always easy to catch guys like this doing a goofball stunt instead of professional terrorists.

-- Joey Chestnut downs a record 182 wings: Yes, it's that wonderful, cultural, historic annual event that again put Philadelphia on the map... I'm taking about the Wing Bowl. "I love to eat," said Chestnut, 23, of San Jose, Calif. "Today I was swallowing wings, swallowing bones, whatever it took."

-- Can you tell this guy loves caffeine? He's showed his love for caffeine even more by coming up with caffeinated doughnuts and bagels. I'm scared of how much more hyper people in my office would be if they brought this shit in for breakfast.

-- Please note: if you are drinking hand sanitizer to get a buzz, a) you're a FUCKING MORON DOUCHEBAG; and b) that shit's dangerous yo. A prisoner in Maryland went bat-shit-crazy after drinking a gallon of hand sanitizer which contains more than 70 percent alcohol (over 140 proof). This will be "glue-sniffing" for the 21st century.

-- Alright, this is fuckin' sick. Methheads are disgusting creatures as it is, but with Meth Users Turning To Urine To Get High, that's a new definition of being "hard up".

-- So a police chief in Wisconsin wrote himself a ticket after passing a school bus that had its emergency lights flashing. For violating the traffic law the chief paid a $235 fine and docked four points from his record. Talk about practicing what you preach...

-- Court: He had a right to curse - Ya God Damned Right~!!!

-- Wookie impersonator arrested for battery

-- Swans found living in city apartment

-- Dutch gym strips off for training in the buff

-- Italian asked for annulment because wife smoked

-- “Smokable” pain drugs promise faster action

-- Oils 'make male breasts develop'
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