Monday, February 5, 2007

Funk's Corner - The Miller Light Balloon and The Road Warriors in Puerto Rico

Funk's Corner - The Miller Light Balloon and The Road Warriors in Puerto Rico

Terry reached into his wrestling bag and pulled out a sheet-rock knife. I had no idea what to expect as he turned it in his hand first, then flipped it in the air and caught it. In an instant he was out of the dugout and racing for the 30 foot tall rubber balloon made in the image of a huge Miller Light can of beer. The huge $10,000.00 Miller Light balloon was anchored at third base position, Hiram Bithorn Baseball Stadium, San Juan Puerto Rico. He caught everybody by surprise, the wrestlers, security guards, 20,000 Puerto Rican wrestling fans, Marti, myself, and especially the sponsors of the wrestling matches, Miller Light. We were all aghast as he attacked the big beer can / balloon, running around it stabbing at the base with the sheet-rock knife. In minutes, the Miller Light Balloon had enough holes in it’s base to cause the balloon to collapse into a heap of useless rubber near the third base bag.

San Juan Puerto Rico was a great place to work. Marti and I have traveled there many times together. We would stay at the Holiday Inn on the Condado. (Most popular resort beach in San Juan) Daytime was spent on the beach and in the afternoon we would walk to the La Tasca Restaurant just beside the Caribe Hilton hotel and have the most delicious sea food in world. (Whole baked red snapper was my favorite) Shopping in the Condado was the best in the Caribbean with gorgeous jewelry and imported goods from around the world. For the better part of ten years, San Juan was one of my favorite places to work.

Terry and I against the Road Warriors along with ten other matches in all were on the card including such stars as Carlos Colon, Bruiser Brody, Invader, Miquel Perez, Hercules Ayala, Chris and Mark Youngblood, Victor Jovika and Bobby Jaggars. Capitol Sports Promotion had even the sponsorship of Miller Light for the big show. As a courtesy to the wrestlers, Miller Light had furnished both dressing rooms with unlimited beer.

I noticed Terry sipping on a Miller Light and thought it could be a wild night, as our match was on last out of ten matches. In order to add additional ringside side seats with a good view, the ring was set up atop a three foot platform. There were steps up to the platform, and then you stepped into the ring. This platform protruded to the front and both sides of the ring.

Wrestling Promoters like heat. They want the fans to be able to choose who to cheer for and who to boo and hiss at. At times my brother can take things a little far with the heat. (another beer for Terry) Fans in Puerto Rico are sometimes prone to throw things at the wrestlers. Well this night Terry would dart out of the dugout armed with hamburgers, empty beer cans and trash to throw at the fans. (another beer for Terry) Then he picked up some of the pea gravel in front of the dugout and threw that at the fans. From that time on any wrestler going to the ring was showered with crap thrown from the bleachers. (another beer for Terry) As if that wasn't enough, (as Terry finished another beer) he goosed one of the female security guards in the ass as she came a little to close. When she turned to scold him, he did the old screw in the headlights trick with his hands three inches in front of her well developed chest. Then he cursed the other security personnel. Now not only did we have twenty thousand Puerto Rican wrestling fans pissed off at us but as we were ready to go into the ring, the security walked out.

Marti asked, "Is there anything you can do to control him?" "I haven't been able to control him since he was four years old looking for Santa with a pipe in his hand so he could beat Santa up and take all his toys." There was nothing I could do to cool my brother off. He was a raving terror.

I knew it was going to be tough getting from the dugout to the ring for our match against the Road Warriors. "Okay, last main event, let's go." I could hear the call to make our way down the hallway through the dugout and into the ring for the match. The first trick, don't let the fans know exactly when you are going to come out of the dugout. Try to fake them out and quickly get twenty feet out onto the field so you have a chance to dodge all the crap they are going to throw at you. On this night it was particularly tough getting to the ring. No security, only Little Victor (Victor Quinones) was there to help. Another tough guy Bill Alfonzo was our referee.Terry and I hit the ring first to the boos and jeers of the partisan crowd. Next came the music and the Road Warriors to the roar of approval from twenty thousand people who wanted to see us torn to bits and pieces.

As the Road Warriors stormed into the ring , Terry scooted out of the ring on the far side. He had failed to check out the ring before the show and didn't realize there was no platform on the back side and it was six feet to the ground. I went to the floor to check on him and he said, "Junior, I hurt my back, you are going to have to work this whole match." Well, here I am with two fired up Road Warriors, twenty thousand angry Puerto Ricans, a pissed off sponsor, a pissed off promoter, no security, and a worthless pile of balloon rubber over at third base.

The bell rang and the match was underway - The entire match from San Juan Puerto Rico of Terry and I against the Road Warriors is available now on our website at

Professional wrestling has been a wild, crazy, wonderful and rewarding life. If you would like to become a professional wrestler call 352-895-4658 e-mail or visit

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