Monday, March 12, 2007

FROM THE DESK OF TOD GORDON (3/17): Gordon Teases Kashmere's Mystery Opponent


This Saturday night, March the 17th, a night generally best known for green beer, corned beef, and cabbage, will see a new color introduced into the holiday. That color is red, as Pro Wrestling Unplugged proudly presents the St. Patrick’s Day Massacre. This card will have special meaning for me as our main event pits four wrestlers who have lived through many wars and many massacres with me back in the early and mid 1990’s. Old battles involving unique egos who all seem to have a past both with and against their own partners, we will see the strange pairing of Raven as he teams up with the “real” Pitbull Gary Wolf. They will take on a team that is no stranger to either one of them, The Bad Breed, Ian and Axl Rotten. The Bad Breed will be reunited for the first time in many years after the two brothers spent what seemed like an eternity trying to end the other’s career. Pitbull came to me and begged to be included in what he personally calls the “On Demand Match,” as he is fed up with hearing people tell him they watch him all the time “on demand” as he battles Ian, Axl, Raven, and Raven’s former partner; Stevie Richards. He is enraged that someone else is profiting from his years of sweat and blood, his broken bones, and yes, even a broken neck that left him in a halo with screws going into his head. Therefore, The REAL PITBULL is willing to put aside his personal dislike towards Raven so that this match will actually put money in the pockets of the participants rather than some monopoly of a corporation. He promises this match to be “old school,” if you follow my drift. The ROTTEN BROTHERS are an interesting entity unto themselves. They have fought each other as much if not more than they have fought as a team, resulting in some of the bloodiest matches ever held in “The Arena.” This match has a lot of intrigue and should bring out the best in all four men.

Most of the mail that has come through my office in the last 30 days has surrounded JOHNNY KASHMERE, who last month claimed a pulled groin kept him from competing. I couldn’t help but notice it felt good enough for him to keep interfering in the match, and it felt good enough later on when he was spotted bar hopping with the ladies. Therefore, I have decided to reward Mr. Kashmere with a surprise of my own. His opponent will be my personal MYSTERY WRESTLER. For those of you making absurd guesses like Ultimate Warrior and Goldberg, get a clue. However, it seems everyone is weighing in on who they think it will be. If past experience serves me correct, when I promise a surprise, I pretty much always deliver. Along with Kashmere, you will all find out who the wrestler is at the massacre. An awful lot of wrestlers passed through the arena’s curtains when I promoted there, and one of them is going to be returning a favor. Good luck, Johnny, and stop pulling out what little hair you have left with worrying.

Those two matches should be enough to get any true fan of the sport to buy a ticket, but if you needed more convincing, there will also be two world title matches this Saturday night as champion DEVON MOORE puts his belt up in a most unique challenge. After months of being bloodied by the like of Ian Rotten and 2 Cold Scorpio, Devon will face someone who his own size, and wrestles an extremely similar style in JOSE MAXIMO, one half of the SAT’s. Maximo outlasted his brother Joel and both Briscoe Brothers to earn this title shot, and probably knows Moore as well as anyone in PWU from all the years that they have trained together. Expect a wrestling clinic from two daredevils who view 20 foot scaffolds as just another weapon. The other title match will be for the tag team titles as champions JOKER & REYES, or Reyes and Joker, depending on which one you ask, take on AMIL, All Money Is Legal, the team that won the Pitbull/Public Enemy Memorial Cup. Time is running out on AMIL as they have had many close but unsuccessful attempts to wrest those belts from different champions and a loss here will send them back towards the tag team line.

The usual assortment of great talent will be on hand as well, including Giant Slugga with his $1000 challenge, Luke Hawx, Z-Barr, Aramis, Quiet Storm, Lucky, Teddy Fine, Drew Blood, Women’s champion Amy Lee, Pete Hunter, and the Angus’. Also, we will be debuting some never before seen in this area wrestlers, including Zack McGuire, the high flying wrestler from Florida who I’m told is the only completely deaf wrestler working today, along with a newcomer from Canada who refers to herself as “The Anti-Diva”. All in all, a sure bet that it will be a night you leave feeling as though you’ve surely gotten your monies worth. Bell time is 7:30, doors open at 7:00, and if you need directions, you can get them at the newly designed website: . See you at the matches.

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