Sunday, January 14, 2007

CARE Preview: TNA Final Resolution 2007

For an expanded version click here.

Final Resolution

Casey: TNA starts off 2007 with a show with more stipulations than you can shake a stick at, but a show that has the potential to have some decent wrestling matches. So at least there is that. I’d also like to warn you that I do a lot of editorial comments on behalf of my cohorts, as I’m practicing my mind-reading techniques. I'll even give you a free bonus prediction, VKM will appear and I will hate it.

Ric: For those of you who know how "well" I fare at predicting the outcomes of WWE, UFC and/or PRIDE FC cards, you ain't seen nothing yet! At least I regularly
follow (and, in some cases, even enjoy) the offerings of those products.
Well, to quote (or close enough) The Iron Sheik, I'm not gonna beat around the bush.
I'm pretty sure Casey won't let me get away with repeatedly typing, "Who cares?,” (Editor’s notes: 1. That’s right, mother fucker, and 2. I’ll laugh if Ric does better on these TNA picks than anyone) so here's what I've decided on:

Euan: Oh goody! Another TNA PPV, what wonders await us this month and more importantly...who is buying this? These predictions will be short and most likely
offensive as i am not feeling too great at the moment.

Casey: Lets look at the standings so far. As this is the first TNA event of the year, nobody has any stats to speak of for this category.

The overall standings look like this.
Casey: 1 event, 4 Correct predictions, 3 Incorrect predictions for 57%
Ric: 1 Event, 2 correct Predictions, 5 incorrect predictions for 28.5%
Art: 1 Event, 1 Correct Prediction, 5 Incorrect Predictions, for 16.6%
Euan: 1 event, 0 correct Predictions, 6 Incorrect Predictions, for 0%

Pre-Show Match: Lance Hoyt Vs. Chase Stevens

Casey: Chase Stevens is essentially a singles wrestler now with the Naturals being no more. This means he’s also pretty much a jobber…still.
Winner: Lance Hoyt

Art: For a guy who seems to get a push from time to time, Hoyt sure gets a lot of dark match PPV spots, hope for his sake he gets the win
Winner: Lance Hoyt

Ric: Lance Hoyt over Chase Stevens
Winner: Lance Hoyt

Euan: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..WHO THE FUCK CARES!
Winner - Who cares! After Casey threatened to castrate me with a dull plastic spoon if I didn’t make a pick so as to not screw up his precious fucking spreadsheet, I have decided that Lance Hoyt will be wrestling under the name of who cares.

Petey Williams Vs. Cowboy James Storm

Casey: The questions are, who will Gail Kim side with in the Storm/Harris feud. I’ll answer that one for you, it will appear as if she is going to side with Storm, but she’ll swerve him and end up with Harris because swerves = ratings even on Pay Per View. But then, in a double swerve she will swerve Chris Harris and end up with me. The other question is how long before both former members of AMW are lost in the shuffle as singles wrestlers? I don’t know the answer to that one perhaps its already happened. In this match, I see the standard Harris interferes and gets Williams the victory.
Winner: Petey Williams

Art: has potential to be a decent match, Harris distracts/interferes, Petey hits the Canadian Destroyer and gets the pin
Winner: Petey Williams

Ric: Editor’s Note, Ric only gives results but I’m sure he’d like to remind you all that the Sheikies are coming to a website near you on 01/21/2007!
Winner: James Storm

Euan: Editor’s Note, Euan’s prediction was quick and to the point something that is impossible for me to be.
Winner: Petey Williams

PCS Finals: Austin Aries Vs. Alex Shelley
10 minute time-limit if no winner is determined, it goes to the judges.

Casey: This is so obvious I shouldn’t even feel compelled to explain this. There wouldn’t be judges if they weren’t going to come in to play, this being wrestling and not MMA. So it goes the time-limit. I think it would be funny if one of the judges went the Clash of Champions I route and declared it a draw. I’m guessing that the judges pick Austin Starr to further the jealousy of Alex Shelley.
Winner: Austin Starr via Judges decision

Art: The gimmick behind this match, despite the amusing PCS skits is just plain goofy. But if given time these two should have a great match, one of the MOTN candidates, I would go with Starr on this one.
Winner: Austin Starr

Ric: Editor’s Note, seriously, the Sheiky awards coming for the first time ever, next week. Trust us, these will be awesome. There may be a time limit on this match but there will be no limit to your enjoyment of the Sheikies.
Winner: Austin Starr

Euan: This will go to the 10 minute time limit and the judges will choose Austin Starr over Shelley to begin the Starr/Shelley feud.
Winner - Austin Starr

Last Man Standing: AJ Styles Vs. Rhino

Casey: Rhino has been on quite the losing streak lately when it comes to Pay Per View matches. He hasn’t won a Pay Per View match outright since June’s Slammiversary. Unfortunately for Rhino, I don’t think that trend is going to reverse itself this month. There is so much more that can be gained from having AJ Styles win. I’d better just stop before I convince myself that’s why Rhino’s a guaranteed winner.
Winner: AJ Styles

Art: another fun match on paper, I'd like to see Rhino win this one by brutally kicking Styles' ass, it'd make sense to me anyway
Winner: Rhino

Ric: Editor’s Note, hey did you know that the Sheikies are coming next week? Well, Ric thought you’d like to be reminded. I’m sure that’s what he was thinking the whole time he was writing this preview.
Winner: AJ Styles

Euan: Editor’s Note, again Euan only offers a winner but I’m sure if he were feeling ok, he’d probably predict right now, Rhino by Senshi kicking Chris Sabin in the face. It wouldn’t have made sense but I would’ve laughed anyway.
Winner: Rhino

NWA World X-Division Championship: Christopher Daniels Vs. Jerry Lynn Vs. Chris Sabin

Casey: The feel good story is Lynn pinning Sabin to win the title. He avenges his real foe in this feud, plus it means Jerry Lynn is back wrestling regularly again which if the rumors of an eventual Angle/Lynn match is true is pretty much a given. Then they could still go the direction of Lynn and Daniels or this being TNA they could forget about it by Monday.
Winner: Jerry Lynn

Art: another MOTN candidate, should be lots of killer action, some WTF spots and some damn good wrestling, I'd like to see Daniels retain, if Sabin wins it AGAIN it won't be a disappointment at all.
Winner: Christopher Daniels

Ric: Editor’s Note, Ric picked Jerry Lynn to win this contest. Find out who he picks for awards like “Worse than Hulk Hogan”, and “I navaire raspact a gay, I navaire raspact a fag” when the Sheikies are unveiled on 1/21.
Winner: Jerry Lynn

Euan: Editor’s Note, even though Euan only wrote down the winner for this contest, I can tell that it would be at this point that he decided to plug the Sheiky awards coming to a website near you on 1/21/07!
Winner: Christopher Daniels

NWA World Tag Team Championship: Latin American Xchange Vs. Team 3D

Casey: It’s a team I love facing a team I pretty well don’t love. Eventually 3D will win the belts so that they can make the bogus claim of winning the ECW, WCW, WWE and NWA titles and being the only team to do so. I don’t count the WCW title reigns because they won them in the WWF. This feud has been pretty basic so far with LAX taking out Runt and 3D taking out Konnan in response. Its harder to keep track of what is happening within the members of Team 3D with Runt and Ray arguing a few weeks ago but like most of TNA and all of ECW I don’t care about that part. As I said eventually Team 3D wins the titles, but they waited too long for the crowd to pop huge like they did when they thought 3D won the titles at last year’s Final Resolution. So 3D eventually wins, but now is not the time. Also I’m real eager to see Hernandez and Brother Ray interact with the stiffness and the beatings and the hey hey hey it hurts me.
Winners: Latin American Xchange

Art: haven't folllowed the build-up for this one, would like to see LAX
retain but I have a feeling 3D could get the belts
Winners: Latin American Xchange (Editor’s Note: I’m assuming that Art would prefer his feeling about 3D to be wrong and thus I presume he’s picking LAX, if I’m wrong he will rightly correct me)

Ric: Editor’s Note, in order to get you hyped for the Sheikies we will announce that one of the categories involves a lesbian sex tape. I’d like to see the Observer awards top that.
Winners: Team 3D

Euan: Editor’s Note, Again as Euan is a man of few words today, if he were feeling well I think he would’ve said that while Team 3D was in Hustle they did not learn anything from Razor Ramon HG. This in spite of the fact that HG repeatedly tried to rub off on them. Ok, so maybe Euan wouldn’t have said it quite that way but Razor Ramon HG would’ve found his way in this preview somewhere.
Winner: LAX to retain

NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Abyss Vs. Christian Cage Vs. Sting
This match will be held under elimination rules.

Casey: I’ll give TNA this much. This feud has added some intrigue to Abyss’ character for the first time in perhaps ever. Christian and Tomko are useless in this feud though as it could’ve worked just as well with Sting playing off of Mitchell and no third wheels. As for how I see this match playing out, I see Christian being eliminated first. Then James Mitchell will cheat and cost Sting the contest, but Abyss won’t like the cheating and will turn on Mitchell. This turns Abyss face without him losing the title. I’d much rather Christian win the belt and feud with either Joe or Angle next but that doesn’t aid the story any.
Winner: Abyss

Art: Tomko banned from ringside is bad news for Cage, I can see the title (sorry) going to Sting, I don't want Abyss retaining, Cage could possibly win the title but frankly I don't think the title means a thing on any of these three.
Winner: Sting (Editor’s Note: just my guessing, as a “I could see” seems more definite than an “I don’t want” or a “could possibly”. Again if I’m wrong, I’ll be corrected in due time.)

Ric: Editor’s Note, As you’ll see Christian was Ric’s pick. Will Ric give Christian a sheiky? Tune in to Nitro to find out, or better yet, read the Sheikies next Sunday on this and other fine websites.
Winner: Christian Cage

Euan: Editor’s Note, yeah same thing just a winner. But, I’d like to think I know Euan enough that at this point he’d bring up his hatred for Sting. He would probably also call for Anderson Silva to come out and knee all of these guys in the face followed by Sheiky coming out to humble the rest of what remains Old Country Style. I think he would’ve said all of this, and I hope he gets better soon so he can say it, not me (Editor’s note, me = Casey) because he is significantly better at it than I.
Winner: Abyss...don't care.

30:00 Iron Man Match: Kurt Angle Vs. Samoa Joe

Casey: So this is the third match in the series of what could be about 800 by the time we’re done with it. This is a rematch of what was supposed to be the last match ever, last month. Have I mentioned how much I love TNA? I haven’t, well now you understand why. Actually, if you watch iMPACT regularly, you understand why.
As for the match itself, I don’t like Iron Man matches as a rule because in the first match it took 13 minutes for Angle to make Joe tap and in this it could happen like 7 minutes in. The only way this works is if you use a super-move not seen in a regular match. I hope they go the route of AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels from Bound for Glory a couple of years ago and have 1 fall decide it very late. As for who gets the fall, I would personally go with Samoa Joe. Its shit or get off the pot with Joe at this point to use an old and appetite reducing expression. Plus, it can push Angle closer to being a heel with this driving him nuts. Perhaps, he can lay out Joe afterward and have Lynn come out and confront him segwaying into Lynn’s respect feud which should not be confused with Sheiky’s navaire raspact feud. This might be wishful thinking on my part, but hey pretty much everything else in this roundtable and this company for that matter is wishful thinking on my part so…
Winner: Samoa Joe – 1 fall to 0

Art: We got this one already in 2007 but I guess we can make the best of it, especially since it has potential to be a great match. I'm going with Joe on this one.
Winner: Samoa Joe

Ric: Editor’s Note, as this is the CARE preview Ric would like you to know that he cares more about the Sheikies next week than he does this particular show. Once again, Sheiky awards coming next week.
Winner: Kurt Angle, though something tells me I should pick a draw

Euan: "And now from the beautiful Mandalay Bay Events Center"...once again you manage to excel yourself and prove that you are indeed brain dead. Go and party
with Crazy Pride Announcer and leave me alone.
Another month, another Angle/Joe match. Seriously, only TNA could fuck up such a money making feud like this. 3 matches in 3 months, Vince Russo is slowly
but surely killing TNA and turning it into WCW mach 2. Now that i have that rant out of the way, let's get on with the prediction. Samoa Joe to HUMBLE
Kurk Angel.
Winner: Samoa Joe

Casey: The OCC will be pleased to try a new experiment with this pay per view. You will have not 1 but 2 sources of live coverage. The Old Country Give and Taker will have live play-by-play, while I have more of my usual insanity. So you’re getting 2 recaps for the price of none, so no bitching!

Ric: Editor’s Note, Ric hopes I’m covering the PPV because he’ll be too busy filling out his Sheiky awards ballot. I’m not sure when and where the Sheikies will be posted but perhaps there are clues hidden somewhere in this preview?

Labels: , , , , ,


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home